Perfect Laugh!

Funny Pets #002

2012-02-12T20:04:00.001-08:00

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Funny Pets #001

2012-02-12T20:03:00.001-08:00

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

2011-09-08T01:41:00.001-07:00

Joke time for the weekend:

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care. (Well, my job is done …..Your turn!)

Place in Heaven (Joke)

2011-09-08T01:20:00.001-07:00

Place in Heaven (Joke)

A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

The guy replies, “I’m Joe Green, taxi driver, of New York City!”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom.”

The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and now the minister is at the first of the line.

He stands erect and, without being asked, proclaims, “I am Joseph Snow, head pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years!”

Saint Peter consults his list. Looking up, he says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a taxi driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff, but I get wood and cotton. How can this be?”

“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”

Interview with a One-Year-Old

2011-08-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

Hahahah! This is so funny!
Pay attention when the kid says " You need to go to a doctor." hahahah!
Thanks to @ParisHilton for sharing this on twitter. Really made my day.
AHAHAHAHAHAH!

Darth Vader's little Secret Revealed

2011-08-11T17:31:00.001-07:00

Ohhhh noooooooooooo!!!

World's Best Divorce Letter Ever!

2011-06-15T22:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

——

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.

I hope that’s not a problem.

World's Greatest Resume Ever!!

2011-06-15T18:53:00.003-07:00

Plates And Cups Are Alive!

2011-01-26T19:27:00.000-08:00

Talk about major creepiness – Israeli artist Ronit Baranga is gaining a name for herself by creating some truly bizarre tableware (such as plates and cups with fingers and mouths). While this disturbing dinnerware may cause some people to lose their appetites, the artist herself says that she wants people to feel something when we see her art work. She doesn’t care what we feel, just that we feel anything.

Funny Car Modifications

2011-01-26T19:11:00.000-08:00

That's How The Fight Started

2010-08-22T23:38:00.001-07:00

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

________________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application..

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

--

To Be 6 Again...

2010-06-17T15:55:00.001-07:00

To Be 6 Again...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.. Since her birthday was not
Far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'

The moral of this story: Even when a man is listening, he is still gonna get it wrong.

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FW: Hahah... Funny wrong email

2010-04-17T07:08:00.001-07:00

Subject: Wrong email.....haha

A man checked into a hotel.

There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realising his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile...... somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 16 Mar 2009

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in.

I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to see you TOMORROW !

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CELEBRITY HOMES

2010-03-10T00:05:00.000-08:00

CELEBRITY HOMES

John Travolta

Halle Berry

Oprah

J-Lo and Mark Anthony

Eddie Murphy

Billy Joel

Hugh Hefner

Sylvester Stallone

Tiger Woods

His & Her Riddles!

2010-02-23T20:58:00.000-08:00

How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix?
- It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn't need it anyway.

Who was the greatest inventor of all time?
- God was! He took a rib from Adam and made a loudspeaker.

Why Men Have Better Friends

2010-02-23T20:54:00.000-08:00

Women's Friends: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The husband called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew what she was talking about.

Men's Friends: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed he was still there.

SIGNS of the TIMES!

2010-02-23T00:48:00.001-08:00

On a laundromat washing machine:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES
WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

On a College Bulletin Board:
The seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

Outside a disco:
MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN
EVERYONE WELCOME

On a maternity room door:
PUSH. PUSH. PUSH.

In an Office:
Warning: Dates On Calendar Are Closer Than They Appear.

Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE: $1 PER PRE-PACKED BAG -
25 CENTS DO-IT-YOURSELF

In a cleaner's shop:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE
FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS
WILL BE DISPOSED OF

On a Secretary's Desk:
The buck doesn't even slow down here!

In a hotel:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.

In a department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

On a repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING
Please knock hard - the bell doesn't work.

In an office building restroom:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER.
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

On a Plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.

On another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip -
Call your plumber!

On a tire shop:
INVITE US TO YOUR NEXT BLOWOUT!

In a veterinarian's office:
Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit! Stay!

On a health food store:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

On a fence:
SALESMEN WELCOME!
Dog food is expensive.

In a non-smoking area:
If we see smoke,
we will assume you are on fire
and take appropriate action.

At an optometrist's office:
If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place!

On a funeral home:
DRIVE CAREFULLY. WE'LL WAIT.

Guess Who I'll Marry!

2010-02-23T00:03:00.000-08:00

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, 'The red-head in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."

Hitler responds to the iPad

2010-02-19T22:46:00.001-08:00

Hitler has been dreaming about the day that Apple's tablet will be announced. That day has come and he is not pleased.

NO speak English

2010-02-19T00:51:00.001-08:00

NO speak English

There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman
and they lived in Honolulu.

The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed
to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for
groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy a leg of
mutton She didn't know how to put forward her request,
and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message and the lady went
home with mutton legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she
didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse
to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she
wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.
Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her
husband to the store...
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What were you thinking?

Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!

Little Led Liding Hoot (M'sian and Singlish version)

2010-02-18T17:39:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time hor, got one girl little led liding hoot. She want to go to Ah Mah's house. Morning alleady she go out one, she got take come one basket to put flower. She "do want" to walk long-long so go take shot cut. Wah!!! she dono got one animal follow her one hor! She happy-happy walk until she come to Ah Mah house.

"Ah Mah! Ah Mah! I come, open the door leh?" she talk. Then Ah Mah also talk back, "Come in lah I never close one." Little Led Liding Hoot open the house and go inside door.....

oh, solly solly....
...open the door and go inside the house, she got see her Ah Mah on top of the bed. She go ask Ah Mah.

"AH Mah, how come your eye vely big one hor?"

"So I can see you maahhhhh!!!" Ah Mah say back.

"Ah Mah, how come your year vely long one?"

"So vely easy to hear you one laah!!!!"

"Ah Mah, how come......."

"Aiyaa!!!! SO many question one ah you.... never die before heh?"

"Soly lah Ah Mah, I dono mah that's why I ask".

"What soly-soly! Now I want to eat you, I not Ah Mah, I animal one you know................."

Wah! Little Led Liding Hoot vely scared one, she scleam vely loud but llate alleady, the animal alleady eat her. She now inside stomach one.

Suddenly got one people, cut wood one, go inside the house. He want to save Little Led Liding Hoot, he go and cut the animal stomach and take out everything, but he too late, Little Led Liding Hoot become s*&t alleady............

Basic English...Wahahaha!

2010-02-17T19:53:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama... The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'how r u'. Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'.. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.' It looks quite simple, but the truth is... When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said 'who r u?' (Instead of 'How r u?'.) Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: 'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha...' Then Mori replied 'me too, ha-ha.. .'. Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

ME and MY BOSS

2010-02-17T19:12:00.000-08:00

ME and MY BOSS

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough

When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.

When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview .
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets

what to do?????????????

The Passenger

2010-02-17T19:09:00.001-08:00

One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

"Where to?" he stammered.

"King Street," answered the woman.

"You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?"

"Well madam," he answered, "I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?"

Still looking in the mirror, the cabby asked, "Got anything smaller?"

Three Labrador Retrievers

2010-02-17T16:12:00.000-08:00

There are three Labrador retrievers sitting in the waiting room at the vet's. A black lab, a brown lab and a yellow lab. The black lab turns to the brown lab and says, "Why are you here?" The brown lab says, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything. I pissed on my owners sofa, their carpets, their drapes, but the last straw was when I pissed in the middle of their bed." The black lab says, "What is the vet going to do to you?" And the brown lab says, sadly, "Lethal injection."

Then the brown lab asks the black, "Why are you here?" The black lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, I dig up the flowers, the bushes. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets but the last straw was when I dug a big hole in my owner's sofa." The brown lab says, "What's the vet going to do to you?" And the black lab says sadly, "Lethal injection."

Then the black and brown labs turn to the yellow lab and ask, "Why are you here?" The yellow lab says, "I'm a humper. I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, the dining room table, a fire hydrant. Whatever I see, I want to hump. Why, last week, my owner had taken a shower and was drying her toes and I couldn't help it, I just hopped on her back and humped her." The black lab says, "So you're here for a lethal injection, too?" "No, I'm getting my nails clipped."

Husband's Perfect Gify

2010-02-15T08:23:00.000-08:00

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you? " "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek. "

Remembering Anniversary

2010-02-15T08:14:00.001-08:00

What's the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary?

Get married on his birthday.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

EVER WONDER...

2010-02-10T00:26:00.001-08:00

EVER WONDER...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

Top Ten Things I Can Say Now That I Lost "American Idol"

2010-02-10T00:12:00.000-08:00

Top Ten Things I Can Say Now That I Lost "American Idol"

10. "If I had won, I was gonna blow the prize money on candy and fireworks"

9. "Honestly, I thought I was auditioning for 'The Apprentice'"

8. "Ryan Seacrest isn't as smart as he seems on TV"

7. "If you want to see me 'perform,' I'll be working the noon-to-8 shift at Old Navy tomorrow"

6. "George W. Bush didn't win the popular vote either, and he's done pretty well for himself"

5. "Underneath that table, Randy Jackson doesn't wear pants"

4. "Until 10 minutes ago, I had no idea who Dave Letterman was"

3. "I could take down Clay Aiken with one arm in a sling"

2. "I handled my loss well -- I gathered my belongings, said my goodbyes and keyed the crap out of Simon's car"

1. "I have one thing to say to the voters: What in the hell is wrong with you people?"

A Teenager is...

2010-02-10T00:03:00.001-08:00

A Teenager is...

A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.

A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.

Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.

A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license.

A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study.

An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.

A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.

A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.

A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a rock concert.

A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.

A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.

A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

How Smart Are You?

2010-01-26T18:11:00.001-08:00

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30..
Add another 1000.. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
.Maybe.

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and! the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!

PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

Blonde Secretary

2009-10-27T22:49:00.001-07:00

Sleep walking/running dog..lolx!

2009-10-27T22:43:00.000-07:00

Who says only humans can sleep walk.
This dog is even better. Bizkit can walk and run and jump!
hahahahah!

One more time!

Happy-Serious kid

2009-10-27T22:42:00.001-07:00

Another kid that's gona crack you up.. rofl!

HUMAN BODY..VERY,VERY INFORMATIVE!

2009-09-30T20:41:00.000-07:00

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

Cat Under Sink

2009-09-23T07:02:00.001-07:00

This cat will make you smile. Promise! Watch now!

Facts To Die For!

2009-09-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

Hi guys! Did you know that...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee .

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out
to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer
than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...

Mama has a point.

2009-09-20T11:57:00.001-07:00

Mama has a point.

Mrs. Santos comes to visit her son Luis for dinner...who lives with a
female roommate Heart...

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how
pretty Luis' roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Luis and his roommate than met the
eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Luis volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Heart and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Heart came to Luis saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

This is cute

Dear Mama,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not
saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been
missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Luis

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama,
which read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Heart, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Love,
Mama.

Lesson of the day ..... Don't Lie to Your Mother

HUSBANDS FOR SALE !

2009-09-18T10:00:00.001-07:00

HUSBANDS FOR SALE !

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates..

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth

The sharing of marriage...

2009-09-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything..

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered

(Continue below - This is great)

'THE TEETH."

Why Parents Are Stressed

2009-09-18T09:15:00.001-07:00

Funny Japanese McDonalds Commercial

2009-09-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

Life is precious. Don't risk it with fries.hahaha!

Why waste a temper tantrum if nobody is around to see it????

2009-09-06T19:18:00.000-07:00

A toddler throwing the best ever temper tantrum!!!

FACELESS

2009-08-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

Bwahahahaha!

Kitty Deadly Hug hahaha!

2009-08-12T22:17:00.000-07:00

Deadly hug. hahahaha!

The Big Sissy

2009-08-11T00:47:00.001-07:00

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'

Thirsty kid

2009-08-11T00:43:00.000-07:00

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?

Why we love children #1

2009-08-11T00:40:00.000-07:00

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'

Kitten Ninja Attack

2009-08-06T20:58:00.000-07:00

Cat dance! ROFL!

2009-08-06T20:54:00.000-07:00

Hehehehe!

Clean Jokes For Slightly Twisted Minds #01

2009-08-05T19:46:00.001-07:00

Clean Jokes For Slightly Twisted Minds (Full)

2009-08-05T19:36:00.000-07:00

Don't ask Grandma silly questions

2009-08-05T17:18:00.000-07:00

Don't ask Grandma silly questions

Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for
the answer.
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an
elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to
me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build
a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst
in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women.
One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said:
"If either of you f#ckers asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the
electric chair."

Ooops!

2009-08-04T18:17:00.000-07:00

You are in a crowded gym when you suddenly realize you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.. You let
5 strong and loud ones go back to back.

After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your
stopping point.

As you are leaving the gym, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember:

You've been listening to your iPod

Boat Launching Procedures

2009-07-21T23:14:00.000-07:00

So here it is.

I just bought a new boat and decided to take 'er for the maiden voyage this past weekend.

This is my first boat and I wasn't quite sure of the exact Standard Operating Procedures for launching it off a ramp, but I figured it couldn't be too hard.

I consulted my local boat dealer for advice, but they just said "don't let the trailer get too deep when you are trying to launch the boat".
What am I doing wrong?
Well, I don't know what they meant by that as I could barely get the trailer in the water at all!

Anyhow, here's a picture below. See for yourself. What am I doing wrong?

Serious baby. wahahaahaha!

2009-07-15T07:25:00.001-07:00

Cute babies doing even cuter things — they’re YouTube comedy gold. This one of a baby who alternates (seemingly when asked) between an ultra serious expression and fits of giggling made its way to YouTube in 2007 and has since racked up tens of millions of views. Of course, if you’re tickled by baby laughs, the “Hahaha” kid is still the master.

Sneezing Baby Panda

2009-07-15T07:18:00.001-07:00

One of the most popular animal videos of all time, the sneezing baby panda proves two things: baby bears are cute, and baby bears with the sniffles are adorably hilarious. The mother panda’s surprised reaction to her baby’s olfactory explosion is really what gives this video staying power, though.

Talking Beaver on the Highway

2009-07-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

Your typical friendly Canadian. A beaver on the highway at the Canada US border, welcoming drivers to Canada. He got away fine (and he's not rabid!).

Cat Talking (Translation)

2009-07-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

Brilliantly edited, this is actually a remix of a previous viral video that caught two cats apparently engrossed in conversation. This is what they’re saying if your cat-to-English translator is switched on, but also check out the equally hilarious original:

Star Wars According to a 3 Year Old

2009-07-15T06:59:00.000-07:00

Star Wars summarized by an adorable 3 year old girl is one of the cutest and most hilarious things you’ll ever watch. Guaranteed. Just remember: “the shiny guy always worries.”

Evolution of Dance

2009-07-15T05:16:00.000-07:00

Judson Laipply’s comedic interpretive dance classic the “Evolution of Dance” is one of the few videos on YouTube in the exclusive 100 million views club. The video still gets comments round the clock.

NUMA NUMA

2009-07-15T05:06:00.000-07:00

Ah, there’s something about Gary Brolsma’s break-out web cam performance lip syncing and dancing to Moldovan pop music that one just can’t turn away from. Numa Numa was an instant viral hit when it was released and it has been viewed over 30 million times on YouTube alone (not counting duplicates).

How to tell the sex of a bird

2009-07-09T21:48:00.001-07:00

How can you determine a bird’s sex?
Until now I was never able to determine which was the male and which the female.

I always thought that it had to be determined surgically, while ornitoligsts spoke about the feathers, the size, the beak and other equally idiotic ways that required hours upon hours of observing them in their natural habitat and so on.
Until now…

Of two birds, which is the female?

In the next page you’ll see two birds. Study them carefully. Have a look and see if you can determine which of the two is the female.
It can be done.
Even by people with limited experience in birdwatching.

Now, send this to all the men you know.
And to all the women that have a great sense of humour..

Hahaha!

Japanese Boy Doesn't Handle Rejection Well

2009-06-29T01:06:00.000-07:00

A little Japanese boy presents flowers to girls after their piano peformances. He succeeds the first time, gets rejected on the second...his reaction is priceless!

Have You Ever Been So Tired?

2009-06-22T18:13:00.000-07:00

Cat Bloopers

2009-05-27T23:42:00.000-07:00

Hahahah! Cats are cats. Dogs are dogs!
whatever!
This video is soo funny I keep laughing my a** off everytime
I watch it.
Check it out!

Hehehehe!

2009-05-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

The Banana Test

2009-04-20T19:54:00.000-07:00

The Banana Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,

a Lion, a Chimpanzee

a Giraffe

and a Squirrel

who pass by it.

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality, so think carefully . . .
Try and answer within 30 seconds.

Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.

If your answer is:

Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're dense.
Giraffe ! = you're a complete moron.
Squirrel = you're hopeless.

A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.

Obviously you're stressed and overworked. You should take some time off and relax!!!

Funny Pic

2009-03-30T19:51:00.000-07:00

press what???!

2009-03-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

Miscommunication

2009-03-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

Bwahahaha!

MS OFfice 2009 Released

2009-03-23T20:18:00.000-07:00

Rejected WiiPlay Games

2009-03-01T19:26:00.000-08:00

Know your Customer

2009-02-22T16:30:00.000-08:00

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there.

But, I had a problem I didn't speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters...

First poster - A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.

Second poster - man is drinking our Cola.

Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.

Then these posters were pasted all over the place
"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied "I didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"

Who is stealing your Kodak moments?

2009-02-13T00:16:00.000-08:00

Cardiologist's Funeral

2009-01-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

Cardiologist's Funeral

Cardiologist's Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral.........I'm a gynecologist."

The proctologist fainted

NB: Dictionary Definition of proctologist: A doctor specializing in
diseases of the rectum and anus.

It's joke time!

2008-11-24T00:08:00.000-08:00

A Filipino, a German and a
Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in
Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime they were all sentenced to 20
lashes each.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's
my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only
lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying
with pain.

The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back". But even two pillows could
only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.

The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the
Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from one of most beautiful part
of the world and your
culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two
wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Filipino
replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not
20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also
very brave." The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

"And what is your second wish?" the Sheik asked.

Filipino smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back"!!!

Trying To Impress

2008-10-06T04:55:00.000-07:00

You have to watch
the guy on the left,
NOT THE GIRL!!!

I loved this....
hope you had a good laugh.
I know I did......

Desperate Students During Exam

2008-09-29T23:02:00.000-07:00

1.)

2.)

3.)

4.)

5.)

6.)

7.)

8.)

9.)

10.)

11.)

Squirrels dancing to Michael Jackson

2008-09-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

Funny video of squirrels dancing to the beat of Michael Jackson's hit. See them on their funny side. Hahaha!

Real funny ha?

Work Load Passion

2008-09-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

When cats are so funny lolx!
haha this will brighten your day!

New employee

You are listening to Stevie Wonder
(It's your first day at work and all is fine and great)

After 3 months...

You are listening to HOUSE music
(because you are so busy that you're not sure if you're coming or going)

After 6 months...

You are listening to Heavy Metal
(your days start at 0800 and end at 2000)

After 9 months...

You are listening to Hip Hop
(You become fat due to stress and now you suffer from constipation)

After a year...

You are listening to GANGSTA RAP
(Your eyes start to twitch, you forget what a 'good hair day' feels like as you fall out of bed and live on caffeine!!)

And finally, after a second year...

You are listening to Techno
and have gone a bit... well... crazy!

Very Funny Hahaha!

The ways of the world..lolx!

2008-09-16T02:04:00.000-07:00

How Bad Do You Want A Beer?

2008-09-15T06:37:00.000-07:00

Before and After Marriage..heheheh!

2008-09-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

Baby Pacifiers That Rock!

2008-09-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

Funny Baby Pacifiers.
I found this funny forwarded email. Shows some real funny and unique baby pacifiers.lolx.
I might have to ask you mommies outhere. Would you want your babies to look as funny as these kids?
Mommies! Do you really want your kids to look like one of these???
Think again! Hehehe!

Funny Baby Pacifiers indeed. hahaha!

Awesome Translations!Hahaha!

2008-09-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

And if you're dead, please get to a hospital...

A difficult meal...

Children made elsewhere are OK...

Start with the big toe...

Are you smiling?

Well, it is free...

That would explain the beer cubs outside...

God Bless that poor Soul....

Falling should be planned...

Plenty of meat for everybody...

I think it was that "screw you" comment...

I told gramps to use protection...

Got too many kids?

Ouch!

We really never know what kind...

I wouldn't dare...

One lump or two?

Thank you for open!

Translation: "no parking on bicyclists at any time"

How do you do?

No crack?

The pool man is gonna freak.

Yeah, cheated out of breathing...

Stylist Ben Dover at your service...

Operators standing by....

Damn, these fireworks reek....

Press it because you want to....

I'll keep a look out....

New in this section: 'Bowling with Bilbo'

I give my life and my company, but
they just keep demanding more...

Always Give 100% at Work

2008-09-03T23:09:00.000-07:00

Mr. 100%

Marriage

2008-09-02T19:09:00.001-07:00

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship one engaged to be married
and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation
eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much
discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role
playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes: Sipping her
drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work
day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the
other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather
bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made
mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!

The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my
fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask,
leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we
not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I
made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long
scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight
leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he
grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for
dinner?''

Drive Thru Cart

2008-08-26T18:09:00.000-07:00

Gas prices must be out of control in their area.

More funny and crazy pictures.

Longest Word

2008-08-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

That name is bound to catch on. It just rolls off the tongue.

They say:
"HAHA. I was in the library, skimming a guinness book of world records, and I was in this game secsion and it said longest word ever put into a crossword puzzle: and it said that word."

"I actually have been past this school, and its real :P Im Welsh so I know how to say it too. GOod luck."

I don't want to be in this school.Imagine if you would've to fill
in your particulars...a total whaaaack! lolx!

More funny and crazy pictures.

Dog pees upside down

2008-08-26T17:59:00.000-07:00

More funny and crazy pictures.

Breaking news..... First Philippine Olympic Gold (Beijing Olympics)

2008-08-21T03:23:00.000-07:00

Beijing Olympic updates!

Funny pics (Again!) mwueheheh!

2008-08-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

First and Last Day of The Month

2008-08-05T01:10:00.000-07:00

It's 1st week of the month!!
Got salary!

Cool! Now we'll see what is on end of the month.

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Letter

2008-08-04T21:46:00.000-07:00

> Dear Wife:
> I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
> I've
> been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
> it.
> These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
> you
> had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
>
> Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new
> hair
> cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk
> boxers later that night.
>
> You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight
> to
> sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
> anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating
> on
> me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,I'm gone.
>
> Signed,
>
> Your EX-Husband
>
> P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West
> Virginia together. Have a great life!
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
> Dear Ex-Husband:
> Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's
> true
> that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man'
> is a
> far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they
> drown
> out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't
> work.
>
> Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the
> first
> thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl",,, but my
> mother
> raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And
> when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
> my
> SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
>
> I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because
> the
> price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence
> that my
> sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
> silk
> boxers were $49.99...
>
> After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
> out. So
> when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I
> quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii . But when I got home you
> were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the
> fulfilling life you've always wanted.
>
> My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from
>
> me.
> So take care.
>
> Signed:
> Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
>
> P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla' was
> born as Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.

Who Says Religion Can't Be Funny?

2008-07-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

How to tell if a Catholic is driving too fast

Jewish Olympic Swimmer

I got the key!! kekekek!

2008-07-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

A doctor went to a mental hospital to check up the condition of those patient. So he used a chalk to draw out a door on the wall and he said: "This is the door to be out of the hospital. Whoever can open this door, I will let him go out"

So all the patient try all the means, banging on the wallkick on the wall and etc. Only one patient sit by the side al laugh at those patient funny acts.

When the doctor saw this patient reaction. He said :"Good, seems like you are the only one which is normal, I will let you go out. The patient responded: "Shh..... no need. Don't tell anybody. I got the key!! kekekkee....."

Who needs an expensive ipod?

2008-07-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

STOP!

2008-07-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry (Spoof)

2008-07-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

Hahahahahaa! So funny!