Don't ask Grandma silly questions

Don't ask Grandma silly questions

Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for
the answer.
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an
elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to
me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build
a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst
in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women.
One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said:
"If either of you f#ckers asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the
electric chair."

Ooops!

You are in a crowded gym when you suddenly realize you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.. You let
5 strong and loud ones go back to back.

After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your
stopping point.

As you are leaving the gym, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember:

You've been listening to your iPod

Boat Launching Procedures

So here it is.

I just bought a new boat and decided to take 'er for the maiden voyage this past weekend.

This is my first boat and I wasn't quite sure of the exact Standard Operating Procedures for launching it off a ramp, but I figured it couldn't be too hard.

I consulted my local boat dealer for advice, but they just said "don't let the trailer get too deep when you are trying to launch the boat".
What am I doing wrong?
Well, I don't know what they meant by that as I could barely get the trailer in the water at all!

Anyhow, here's a picture below. See for yourself. What am I doing wrong?

Serious baby. wahahaahaha!

Cute babies doing even cuter things — they’re YouTube comedy gold. This one of a baby who alternates (seemingly when asked) between an ultra serious expression and fits of giggling made its way to YouTube in 2007 and has since racked up tens of millions of views. Of course, if you’re tickled by baby laughs, the “Hahaha” kid is still the master.

Sneezing Baby Panda

One of the most popular animal videos of all time, the sneezing baby panda proves two things: baby bears are cute, and baby bears with the sniffles are adorably hilarious. The mother panda’s surprised reaction to her baby’s olfactory explosion is really what gives this video staying power, though.

Talking Beaver on the Highway

Your typical friendly Canadian. A beaver on the highway at the Canada US border, welcoming drivers to Canada. He got away fine (and he's not rabid!).

Cat Talking (Translation)

Brilliantly edited, this is actually a remix of a previous viral video that caught two cats apparently engrossed in conversation. This is what they’re saying if your cat-to-English translator is switched on, but also check out the equally hilarious original: