1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Don't ask Grandma silly questions
Don't ask Grandma silly questions
Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for
the answer.
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an
elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to
me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build
a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst
in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women.
One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said:
"If either of you f#ckers asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the
electric chair."
Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for
the answer.
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an
elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to
me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build
a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst
in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women.
One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said:
"If either of you f#ckers asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the
electric chair."
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Ooops!
You are in a crowded gym when you suddenly realize you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.. You let
5 strong and loud ones go back to back.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your
stopping point.
As you are leaving the gym, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember:
You've been listening to your iPod
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.. You let
5 strong and loud ones go back to back.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your
stopping point.
As you are leaving the gym, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember:
You've been listening to your iPod
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