Bwahahahaha!
Showing posts with label perfectlaugh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perfectlaugh. Show all posts
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Big Sissy
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'
Thirsty kid
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?
Why we love children #1
1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Know your Customer
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there.
But, I had a problem I didn't speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters...
First poster - A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster - man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.
Then these posters were pasted all over the place
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied "I didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there.
But, I had a problem I didn't speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters...
First poster - A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster - man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.
Then these posters were pasted all over the place
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied "I didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"
Friday, January 16, 2009
Cardiologist's Funeral
Cardiologist's Funeral
Cardiologist's Funeral
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral.........I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted
NB: Dictionary Definition of proctologist: A doctor specializing in
diseases of the rectum and anus.
Cardiologist's Funeral
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral.........I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted
NB: Dictionary Definition of proctologist: A doctor specializing in
diseases of the rectum and anus.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Marriage
Three women friends, one in a casual relationship one engaged to be married
and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation
eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much
discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role
playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes: Sipping her
drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work
day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the
other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather
bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made
mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!
The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my
fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask,
leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we
not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!
The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I
made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long
scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight
leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he
grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for
dinner?''
and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation
eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much
discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role
playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes: Sipping her
drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work
day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the
other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather
bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made
mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!
The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my
fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask,
leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we
not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!
The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I
made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long
scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight
leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he
grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for
dinner?''
Monday, August 4, 2008
Letter
> Dear Wife:
> I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
> I've
> been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
> it.
> These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
> you
> had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
>
> Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new
> hair
> cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk
> boxers later that night.
>
> You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight
> to
> sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
> anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating
> on
> me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,I'm gone.
>
> Signed,
>
> Your EX-Husband
>
> P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West
> Virginia together. Have a great life!
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
> Dear Ex-Husband:
> Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's
> true
> that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man'
> is a
> far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they
> drown
> out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't
> work.
>
> Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the
> first
> thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl",,, but my
> mother
> raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And
> when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
> my
> SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
>
> I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because
> the
> price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence
> that my
> sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
> silk
> boxers were $49.99...
>
> After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
> out. So
> when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I
> quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii . But when I got home you
> were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the
> fulfilling life you've always wanted.
>
> My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from
>
> me.
> So take care.
>
> Signed:
> Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
>
> P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla' was
> born as Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.
> I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
> I've
> been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
> it.
> These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
> you
> had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
>
> Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new
> hair
> cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk
> boxers later that night.
>
> You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight
> to
> sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
> anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating
> on
> me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,I'm gone.
>
> Signed,
>
> Your EX-Husband
>
> P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West
> Virginia together. Have a great life!
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
> Dear Ex-Husband:
> Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's
> true
> that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man'
> is a
> far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they
> drown
> out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't
> work.
>
> Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the
> first
> thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl",,, but my
> mother
> raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And
> when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
> my
> SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
>
> I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because
> the
> price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence
> that my
> sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
> silk
> boxers were $49.99...
>
> After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
> out. So
> when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I
> quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii . But when I got home you
> were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the
> fulfilling life you've always wanted.
>
> My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from
>
> me.
> So take care.
>
> Signed:
> Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
>
> P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla' was
> born as Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
What does Mona Lisa do after the museum closes?
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..and dont forget to scroll all the way down :-)))
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