MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Joke time for the weekend: MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you. If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever. If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up. This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care. (Well, my job is done …..Your turn!)

Place in Heaven (Joke)

Place in Heaven (Joke) A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?” The guy replies, “I’m Joe Green, taxi driver, of New York City!” Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom.” The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and now the minister is at the first of the line. He stands erect and, without being asked, proclaims, “I am Joseph Snow, head pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years!” Saint Peter consults his list. Looking up, he says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” “Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a taxi driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff, but I get wood and cotton. How can this be?” “Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”

Interview with a One-Year-Old

Hahahah! This is so funny!
Pay attention when the kid says " You need to go to a doctor." hahahah!
Thanks to @ParisHilton for sharing this on twitter. Really made my day.
AHAHAHAHAHAH!

Darth Vader's little Secret Revealed

Ohhhh noooooooooooo!!!

World's Greatest Resume Ever!!

Plates And Cups Are Alive!

Talk about major creepiness – Israeli artist Ronit Baranga is gaining a name for herself by creating some truly bizarre tableware (such as plates and cups with fingers and mouths).  While this disturbing dinnerware may cause some people to lose their appetites, the artist herself says that she wants people to feel something when we see her art work. She doesn’t care what we feel, just that we feel anything.

Funny Car Modifications