Thursday, May 29, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Men and Women
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied , 'in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, ' but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.'
The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS'
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied , 'in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, ' but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.'
The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS'
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Friday, May 23, 2008
James Bond Theme Song
A James Bond Theme Song Parody, second in a series of Movie Theme Song Music Parodies, sung to the tune of the One and Only James Bond Theme Song.
Parkour Escape Artist
This Parkour is fantastic! Look at the way he jumps! Well-coordinated balance!5 stars!
Parkour EscApe Artist - Free videos are just a click away
Parkour EscApe Artist - Free videos are just a click away
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I am just trying to be good...( a diary)
As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.
Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.
Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow
contaminate them.
Recalling some long ago Parochial School admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.
Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out!"
So I did..........
I Won't be in Church this weekend
TED
Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.
Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow
contaminate them.
Recalling some long ago Parochial School admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.
Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out!"
So I did..........
I Won't be in Church this weekend
TED
Monday, May 19, 2008
WHY PARENTS DRINK!
WHY PARENTS DRINK!
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not
arrived at work or rung in sick.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he rang his
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
'Is your daddy home?' he said
'Yes' whispered the small voice
'May I talk with him?'
The child whispered ' No.'
Surprised and wanting to talk to an adult, the boss asked
'Is Mummy there?' ... 'Yes'
'May I talk with her?'
Again the small voice whispered, 'No.'
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message,
asked 'Is anybody else there?'
'Yes,' whispered the child 'a policeman'.
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's residence,
'May I speak with the policeman?'
'No, he's busy' whispered the child.
'Busy doing what?'
'Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman' came the whisper.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked
'What is that noise?'
'A helicopter' answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly worried.
Again, whispering, the child answered 'The search team just arrived.'
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated, the boss asked 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled response
'me'.
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not
arrived at work or rung in sick.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he rang his
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
'Is your daddy home?' he said
'Yes' whispered the small voice
'May I talk with him?'
The child whispered ' No.'
Surprised and wanting to talk to an adult, the boss asked
'Is Mummy there?' ... 'Yes'
'May I talk with her?'
Again the small voice whispered, 'No.'
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message,
asked 'Is anybody else there?'
'Yes,' whispered the child 'a policeman'.
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's residence,
'May I speak with the policeman?'
'No, he's busy' whispered the child.
'Busy doing what?'
'Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman' came the whisper.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked
'What is that noise?'
'A helicopter' answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly worried.
Again, whispering, the child answered 'The search team just arrived.'
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated, the boss asked 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled response
'me'.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Most Outrageous Moments On The News
The funniest collection of bloopers from the news.
Most Outrageous Moments On The News - The best bloopers are here
Most Outrageous Moments On The News - The best bloopers are here
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Secretary's Resimay (Resume)
SECRETARY 'S RESUME
Deer Sir,
I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can
Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole
really seam to respond to me belly well.
I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru
my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to
pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. .
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me
taken at my last jobb.
Employer's reply:......
Dear Peggy,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check.....
Welcome onboard!!
Deer Sir,
I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can
Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole
really seam to respond to me belly well.
I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru
my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to
pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. .
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me
taken at my last jobb.
Employer's reply:......
Dear Peggy,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check.....
Welcome onboard!!
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