Guess Who I'll Marry!

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, 'The red-head in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."

Hitler responds to the iPad

Hitler has been dreaming about the day that Apple's tablet will be announced. That day has come and he is not pleased.

NO speak English

NO speak English

There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman
and they lived in Honolulu.

The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed
to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for
groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy a leg of
mutton She didn't know how to put forward her request,
and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message and the lady went
home with mutton legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she
didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse
to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she
wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.
Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her
husband to the store...
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What were you thinking?

Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!

Little Led Liding Hoot (M'sian and Singlish version)

Once upon a time hor, got one girl little led liding hoot. She want to go to Ah Mah's house. Morning alleady she go out one, she got take come one basket to put flower. She "do want" to walk long-long so go take shot cut. Wah!!! she dono got one animal follow her one hor! She happy-happy walk until she come to Ah Mah house.

"Ah Mah! Ah Mah! I come, open the door leh?" she talk. Then Ah Mah also talk back, "Come in lah I never close one." Little Led Liding Hoot open the house and go inside door.....

oh, solly solly....
...open the door and go inside the house, she got see her Ah Mah on top of the bed. She go ask Ah Mah.

"AH Mah, how come your eye vely big one hor?"

"So I can see you maahhhhh!!!" Ah Mah say back.

"Ah Mah, how come your year vely long one?"

"So vely easy to hear you one laah!!!!"

"Ah Mah, how come......."

"Aiyaa!!!! SO many question one ah you.... never die before heh?"

"Soly lah Ah Mah, I dono mah that's why I ask".

"What soly-soly! Now I want to eat you, I not Ah Mah, I animal one you know................."

Wah! Little Led Liding Hoot vely scared one, she scleam vely loud but llate alleady, the animal alleady eat her. She now inside stomach one.

Suddenly got one people, cut wood one, go inside the house. He want to save Little Led Liding Hoot, he go and cut the animal stomach and take out everything, but he too late, Little Led Liding Hoot become s*&t alleady............

Basic English...Wahahaha!

A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama... The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'how r u'. Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'.. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.' It looks quite simple, but the truth is... When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said 'who r u?' (Instead of 'How r u?'.) Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: 'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha...' Then Mori replied 'me too, ha-ha.. .'. Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

ME and MY BOSS

ME and MY BOSS


When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough


When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,


When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,


When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,


When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.


When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.


When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.


When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview .
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked


When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets


what to do?????????????

The Passenger

One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

"Where to?" he stammered.

"King Street," answered the woman.

"You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?"

"Well madam," he answered, "I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?"

Still looking in the mirror, the cabby asked, "Got anything smaller?"