Filipino Jokes!

Bisaya 1: "Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan."!
Bisaya 2: "Dili bay!"
Bisaya 1: "Kay Hipi?"
Bisaya 2: "Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o,
'SAFARI'."
_______

Misis: "Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala niya ang
limang anak namin."
Radio Host: "Ok, go ahead!"
Misis: "Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa iyo
diyan!"
_______

Hello! Heto na naman ako. Gulung-gulo ulit ang isip ko. May nais lang sana
akong itanong sa inyo.
Alam ko matutulungan niyo ako. Ang BIRDS FLU
ba ay past tense ng BIRDS FLY?
_______

Nakasakay ka sa FX ng ikaw ay mautot. Buti na lang malakas ang tugtog.
Bawat pag-utot, sabay sa tugtog. Nang ikaw ay bumaba, ang sasama ng tingin
nila sa iyo, bigla mong naalala...naka Walkman ka pala!
_______

WIFE: Himala! 'Aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi n'ya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito
uwi agad ako..
_______

Lasing (takot): May multo sa banyo natin!
Wife: Ha? Bakit?
Lasing: Kasi bumubukas yung ilaw pag papasok ko ng banyo eh.
Wife: Punyeta ka! Ikaw pala umiihi sa ref!
________

1st night lola wore see-thru dress, lolo didn't react...
2nd night lola wore t-back, lolo still deadma...
3rd night lola all naked, lolo said "Anu 'yang suot mo, gusot-gusot!!"
________

AMO: Sagutin mo ang telepon, Inday!
INDAY: (baligtad ang hawak sa telepono) Hilo? Hilo?
AMO: Baligtarin mo!
INDAY: Lohi? Lohi?
AMO: 'Yung telepon ang baligtarin mo!
INDAY: Puntili? Puntili?
_______

Juan: B-day ng asawa ko.
Pedro: Anong regalo mo?
J: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
P: Ano naman sinabi?
J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
P: Ano binigay mo?
J: Baraha.
________

Pedro: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na 'ko ng hearing aid. Grabe! ang
linaw na ng pandinig ko!
Juan: Talaga?! Magkano bili mo?
Pedro: Kahapon lang.

________

Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na 'to, let's make
love.
Husband: Heh! Tumigil ka nga! Maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw
hindi na.
_______

KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, isang oras na tayo dito wala pa rin
siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya."

Joke time!

Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve!
Student: That's not true! My dad says we are descendants of an Ape!
Teacher: We are not talking about your FAMILY!

-----


Prospective Employer to Applicant: "So why did you leave your previous
job?"
Applicant: "The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

Girl wearing a skintight miniskirt at Bus Stop

Got this from Digg. No pictures though so please don't ask me.


"One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn’t reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn’t reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, “How dare you touch my body that way, I don’t even know you!”

Shocked, the man says, “Well, ma’am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.”

Cinder Block Wall Crushes Dude's Leg! Ouuuch!

I don't feel this is one video to laugh about. But there's a lesson to be learned here.
Don't go breakin your walls! Lolx!

Cinder Block Wall Crushes Dudes Leg - Watch more free videos

What Good Does A Mistake Make?

MISTAKES

What they actually means...


If a barber makes a mistake,


It's a New Style..



If a driver makes a mistake,


It is a New path...






If a engineer makes a mistake,


It is a New Venture...





If parents make a mistake,


It is a New Generation...





If a politician makes a mistake,


It is a New Law...





If a scientist makes a mistake,


It is a New Invention...





If a tailor makes a mistake,


It is a New Fashion...







If a teacher makes a mistake ,


It is a New Theory...







If our boss makes a mistake,


It is a New idea...






If an employee makes a mistake,


It is a
'Mistake'





long piak! (a.k.a. banging against the wall)

Fight!!

Cool toy animation!

Family Feud!

*Family Feud *

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!"