Trying To Impress

You have to watch
the guy on the left,
NOT THE GIRL!!!


I loved this....
hope you had a good laugh.
I know I did......

Letter

> Dear Wife:
> I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
> I've
> been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
> it.
> These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
> you
> had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
>
> Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new
> hair
> cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk
> boxers later that night.
>
> You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight
> to
> sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
> anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating
> on
> me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,I'm gone.
>
> Signed,
>
> Your EX-Husband
>
> P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West
> Virginia together. Have a great life!
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
>
> Dear Ex-Husband:
> Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's
> true
> that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man'
> is a
> far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they
> drown
> out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't
> work.
>
> Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the
> first
> thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl",,, but my
> mother
> raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And
> when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
> my
> SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
>
> I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because
> the
> price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence
> that my
> sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
> silk
> boxers were $49.99...
>
> After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
> out. So
> when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I
> quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii . But when I got home you
> were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the
> fulfilling life you've always wanted.
>
> My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from
>
> me.
> So take care.
>
> Signed:
> Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
>
> P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla' was
> born as Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.

Tattoo

I got this from my email.

"This guy had what he thought was a great tattoo...
until he wound up in jail. Now he's...
THE MOST POPULAR GUY IN PRISON"