What does Mona Lisa do after the museum closes?

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..and dont forget to scroll all the way down :-)))

If Women Controlled The World

MAKE ANOTHER WOMAN'S DAY,
AND SHARE THE SMILES!

Some Crazy facts!

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)




If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)




The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)




A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)




A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death!

(Creepy)

(I'm still not over the pig.)





Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.

(Don't try this at home; maybe at work.)




The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")




The flea can jump 350 times
its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)




The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)




Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)





Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)




The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm......)




Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)



Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing.)



A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)




An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)




Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too .)





Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)




Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)




Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send t his to someone you want to bring a smile to.

(maybe even a chuckle.)




In other words, send it to everyone.

Kids are quick ...

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________ _________ _________ _________ ________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: &nbs p; Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________ _________ _________ ____
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have

today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________ _________ _________ _________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." < BR>MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
____________ _________ _________ ___
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's

cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louis
do you know why his father didn't pu nish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
____________ _________ _________ ________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________ _________ _________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the
same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: & nbsp; No, teacher, it's the same dog.
____________ _________ _________ _____
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps

on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

A Puzzle

Check this cool puzzle.....





A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password that was required. He waited by the door and listened.



A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "Twelve." The member replied, "Six" and was let in.



A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "Six." The member replied, "Three" and was let in.



The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said, “ten" and the man replied, "five."

But he was not let in. What should have he said?



C’mon guys put on your thinking caps & get the solution......





.....





......


......... Don’t keep scrolling... .... think about the answer


.......

........

Ans: - 3


The man had to reply the number of characters in the word the Doorman was asking.

He should have replied "Three" instead of "Five".



I bet you'll read the question again....

Genealogy

A little girl asked her mother,

'How did the human race appear?'





The mother answered,

'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.





The father answered,

'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'





The confused girl returned to her mother and said,

'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,

and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'





The mother answered,

'Well, dear, it is very simple.

I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

Divorce Cake

Husband's woes ..lolx!

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their
school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school,
came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped
at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put
away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the
cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried
to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the
way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,
then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the
pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry,
bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went
to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don't
know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh please, let us trade back.'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: 'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and
I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine
months, though. You got pregnant last night.'

8 inches long

THE
RANGE
OF
8
INCHES
LONG.
THE
FUNCTIONING
OF
WHICH
IS
ENJOYED
BY
MEMBERS
OF
BOTH
SEXES.
IS
USUALLY
FOUND
HUNG,
DANGLING
READY
LOOSLEY
FOR
INSTANT
ACTION.
IT
BOASTS
OF
A
CLUMP
OF
LITTLE
HAIRY
THINGS
AT
ONE
END
AND
SMALL
HOLE
AT
THE
OTHER.
IN
USE,
IT
IS
INSERTED,
ALMOST
ALWAYS
WILLINGLY, SOMETIMES
SLOWLY,
SOMETIMES
QUICKLY,
INTO
A
WARM,
FLESHY,
MOIST
OPENING
WHERE
IT
IS
THRUST
IN
AND
DRAWN
OUT
AGAIN
AND
AGAIN
MANY
TIMES
IN
SUCCESSION,
OFTEN
QUICKLY
AND
ACCOMPANIED
BY
SQUIRMING
BODILY
MOVEMENTS.
ANYONE
FOUND
LISTENING
IN
WILL
MOST
SURELY
RECOGNIZE
THE
RHYTHMIC,
PULSING
SOUND,
RESULTING
FROM
THE
WELL
LUBRICATED
MOVEMENTS.
WHEN
FINALLY
WITHDRAWN,
IT
LEAVES
BEHIND
A
JUICY,
FROTHY,
WHITE
STICKY
SUBSTANCE,
SOME
OF
WHICH
WILL
NEED
CLEANING
FROM
THE
OUTER
SURFACES
OF
THE
OPENING
AND
SOME
OF
FROM
ITS
LONG
GLISTENING
SHAFT.
AFTER
EVERYTHING
IS
DONE
AND
THE
FLOWING
AND
CLEANSING
LIQUIDS
HAVE
CEASED
EMANATING,
IT
IS
RETURNED
TO
ITS
FREELY
HANGING
STATE
OF
REST,
READY
YET
FOR
ANOTHER
BIT
OF
ACTION,
HOPEFULLY
REACHING
ITS
BRISTLING
CLIMAX
TWICE
OR
THREE
TIMES
A
DAY,
BUT
OFTEN
MUCH
LESS..
WHAT AM I?
AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY GUESSED,
THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE IS NONE OTHER THAN YOUR VERY OWN...
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
TOOTHBRUSH ...
what were you
thinking?
You PERVERT!
GOTCHA!

Men and Women's Dictionary

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

NOW SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND A WOMAN WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!

The Witty Boy...

Wahahaha! This is sooo funny! I got the last 10 Qs wrong myself! Nyahahaha!



A first-grade teacher, Ms Anna (Age 22 ) was having trouble with one of
her
students.
The teacher asked the boy, "what is your problem?"
The boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in
the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"
Ms Anna had enough. She took the boy to the Principal's office.
While the boy waited at the reception of the office, the teacher
explained
to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Anna he
would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions
he was to go back to the first-grade and behave and so she agreed.
The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Anna and tells her,
"I
think Boy can go to the third-grade. "
Ms Anna says to the principal, "I have some of my own
questions, can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agree.
Ms Anna asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms Anna: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Anna: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious
and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Anna: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The Principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer,
but the boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Anna: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and
a
dog does on three legs? The Principal's eyes open really wide and
before he
could stop the answer..
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Anna: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Anna: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.
I
get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Anna: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large
Vodka
peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Anna: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me,
you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Anna: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Anna: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of
heat
and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Anna: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if you don't get
it
you have to use your hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Anna: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men
than
on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife
after
they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Anna: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of
veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, Send
this
boy to Stanford University , I got the last ten questions wrong
myself!"

Top 10 Best Women Drivers of the Year

9th Place Goes To:





8th Place Goes To:




7th Place Goes To:




6th Place Goes To:



5th Place Goes To:


4th Place Goes To:




The Bronze Medal Winner:







The Silver Medal Winner:




Her helmet is being worn backwards
..... and finally, here is our 2006 Women Drivers Awards
*** Gold Medal Winner ***




WOW ! ! How the heck...?!?
Oh never mind... CONGRATULATIONS ! !

This concludes the
2008 Women Drivers Awards Ceremony.
Thank you to all contestants for giving
us all a reason to laugh & smile! Hahaha!

Filipino Jokes!

Bisaya 1: "Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan."!
Bisaya 2: "Dili bay!"
Bisaya 1: "Kay Hipi?"
Bisaya 2: "Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o,
'SAFARI'."
_______

Misis: "Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala niya ang
limang anak namin."
Radio Host: "Ok, go ahead!"
Misis: "Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa iyo
diyan!"
_______

Hello! Heto na naman ako. Gulung-gulo ulit ang isip ko. May nais lang sana
akong itanong sa inyo.
Alam ko matutulungan niyo ako. Ang BIRDS FLU
ba ay past tense ng BIRDS FLY?
_______

Nakasakay ka sa FX ng ikaw ay mautot. Buti na lang malakas ang tugtog.
Bawat pag-utot, sabay sa tugtog. Nang ikaw ay bumaba, ang sasama ng tingin
nila sa iyo, bigla mong naalala...naka Walkman ka pala!
_______

WIFE: Himala! 'Aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi n'ya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito
uwi agad ako..
_______

Lasing (takot): May multo sa banyo natin!
Wife: Ha? Bakit?
Lasing: Kasi bumubukas yung ilaw pag papasok ko ng banyo eh.
Wife: Punyeta ka! Ikaw pala umiihi sa ref!
________

1st night lola wore see-thru dress, lolo didn't react...
2nd night lola wore t-back, lolo still deadma...
3rd night lola all naked, lolo said "Anu 'yang suot mo, gusot-gusot!!"
________

AMO: Sagutin mo ang telepon, Inday!
INDAY: (baligtad ang hawak sa telepono) Hilo? Hilo?
AMO: Baligtarin mo!
INDAY: Lohi? Lohi?
AMO: 'Yung telepon ang baligtarin mo!
INDAY: Puntili? Puntili?
_______

Juan: B-day ng asawa ko.
Pedro: Anong regalo mo?
J: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
P: Ano naman sinabi?
J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
P: Ano binigay mo?
J: Baraha.
________

Pedro: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na 'ko ng hearing aid. Grabe! ang
linaw na ng pandinig ko!
Juan: Talaga?! Magkano bili mo?
Pedro: Kahapon lang.

________

Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na 'to, let's make
love.
Husband: Heh! Tumigil ka nga! Maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw
hindi na.
_______

KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, isang oras na tayo dito wala pa rin
siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya."

Joke time!

Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve!
Student: That's not true! My dad says we are descendants of an Ape!
Teacher: We are not talking about your FAMILY!

-----


Prospective Employer to Applicant: "So why did you leave your previous
job?"
Applicant: "The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

Girl wearing a skintight miniskirt at Bus Stop

Got this from Digg. No pictures though so please don't ask me.


"One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn’t reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn’t reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, “How dare you touch my body that way, I don’t even know you!”

Shocked, the man says, “Well, ma’am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.”

Cinder Block Wall Crushes Dude's Leg! Ouuuch!

I don't feel this is one video to laugh about. But there's a lesson to be learned here.
Don't go breakin your walls! Lolx!

Cinder Block Wall Crushes Dudes Leg - Watch more free videos

What Good Does A Mistake Make?

MISTAKES

What they actually means...


If a barber makes a mistake,


It's a New Style..



If a driver makes a mistake,


It is a New path...






If a engineer makes a mistake,


It is a New Venture...





If parents make a mistake,


It is a New Generation...





If a politician makes a mistake,


It is a New Law...





If a scientist makes a mistake,


It is a New Invention...





If a tailor makes a mistake,


It is a New Fashion...







If a teacher makes a mistake ,


It is a New Theory...







If our boss makes a mistake,


It is a New idea...






If an employee makes a mistake,


It is a
'Mistake'





long piak! (a.k.a. banging against the wall)

Fight!!

Cool toy animation!

Family Feud!

*Family Feud *

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!"

The reason why we grind our teeth while sleeping...

The reason why we grind our teeth while sleeping...



And you wonder why you have a bad taste in the morning.:)

America Got Talent Pigeon

Where did all those pigeons come from? Magic trick with a twist!


America Got Talent Pigeon - Watch the top videos of the week here

Japanese Pen Spinning Collaboration

Very impressive Japanese pen spinning tricks.


Japanese Pen Spinning Collaboration - The funniest videos are a click away